Written by Jesse.
A 3 year old male, whippet.
My owners spend a lot of time on their phones. They think they’re clever and talk to loads of people on ‘social media’. They’ve just told me that it’s walk your dog week. But, of course us dogs already know this because we’ve had social media for years, we just don’t brag about it. So here’s a complete guide to social media by me:
We’re surrounded by our doggy version of facebook.
It’s a little secret in doggy world but each dog has their own lamppost and we often ‘post’ stuff on it.
Bracken, my labrador neighbour, doesn’t post much so I might just quickly scan her post and see if I need to comment.
Bobby, the jack russell at number 32, never stops posting and quite often I’ll post too just to reply.
Milly, the gorgeous collie at number 14, gets loads of reactions to her posts. Most of them are from the jack russell at number 32 but I’m taller than he so mine get posted higher up.
Who needs pinterest when you’ve got a window?
I often gaze at the wonderful things that go by.
Woody, the yorkshire terrier from the posh estate, has got a new car with plush seats and extra leg room. I would love to sit in that car.
I often see Katy, from number 15, with her latest collar and lead from Disty Pet. That’s definitely on my wish list.
Hobo, the local stray, is always eating the best food. I think he gets if from the local shop at Heights Farm, but I’m hoping he’ll share some with me.
And I’ve always got my latest copy of Your Dog to read for inspiration.
We’ve had linkedin for ages. The kennel club started it. Dog training school.
We all meet up there, Bracken, Bobby, Milly, Woody and I. We all show our best profile. We display all the new skills that we’ve learned and we show everyone how professional and hard working we all are.
Then once we leave we forget everything and go back to being lazy and naughty!
We have our own instagram accounts and we probably have more human followers than most humans. Check out Miss Olga O Grady. She’s got nearly 40,000 followers, she’s a bit of a dish too.
And Margot the Whippet is my absolute favourite. She’s my future wife.
We even have our own hashtags. Do a search for dogsofinstagram and you’ll find over 44 million tags. Search for humans and you’ve got less than half a million. Dogs clearly rule on instagram.
We generally just bark randomly, whenever and wherever we are.
Occasionally someone will bark back and this will continue the conversation. Sometimes even other dogs join in so we all bark at once.
Though most of the times our barks are lost in the wind, never to be heard again. Though people are always listening and will remember what we barked about, especially 10 years down the line and they’ll always remind you.
So, doggy friends, those are the rules to social media. Don’t let the humans fool you, we really do rule the world!
And every once in a while, we go completely unplugged. We take our humans glamping, find a nice quiet spot and spend the days relaxing around the wigwams and the fire pits, waiting to be fed our food from the bbq.
Loads of Wigwam sites allow us pampered dogs so you're always sure to find a spot to chill out and enjoy the sunshine.